I Don't Have It
by PenPaperParadise
Summary: *For LostInLost18's SceneIt Challenge 2011* Kate needs Shannon's inhalers from Sawyer but he's reluctant to reveal their location. All he asks is for one little favor...Will Kate throw away her morals to save Shannon's life? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: ***Sigh* I don't own any part of LOST... :(

**A/N: **This scene was so much fun to write! It is from episode 1x08 called "Confidence Man." Enjoy!

I Don't Have It

What the hell am I doing?  
>I feel so bad for Shannon because of her asthma problem. I mean, she's having a panic attack just because her inhalers are gone...<p>

But it's _Sawyer._ He's the lowest, most foul human being to ever strut around on the planet and he just wants to use me to get a kiss from me.

But Shannon needs those inhalers, she's having trouble breathing.

But it's _Sawyer._

But Shannon could die.

But it's _Sawyer!_

I weaved through the forest of decrepit trees and stopped when I found him kneeling on the ground. His hands were tied behind his back and a blood stain ran down the side of his face and neck. He was staring down at the ground, his expression unreadable. I just stood there, my arms at my sides, wondering if there was any way I could talk him into revealing where the inhalers were.

I knew my chances were pretty slim.

He looked up at me and we stared at each other for a few seconds, both of us barely moving. Then I slowly and cautiously approached him, looking down at the ground. I hated him right then. I hated how he was being so incredibly selfish by hoarding Shannon's inhalers and I hated the way he was giving me puppy eyes to make me feel sorry for him and I hated what he was doing to me.

"So I'm here," I said, trying to act nonchalant and hide my feelings. "Where is it?"

"Happy to tell ya," he replied, looking me up and down. "Soon as I get that kiss."

"What?" I asked incredulously. There is no way that any human being could be this sick and twisted. "Are you serious?"

"Baby, I am tied to a tree in the jungle of mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi. 'Course I'm serious."

I wanted to strangle him. Here he was, in the middle of the jungle having just been tortured, and he was trying to be funny and charming. God he makes me sick.

"You're just not seeing the big picture here, Freckles," he said, looking up at me. Anger pulsed through my veins as I heard him try to entice me. I stared down at him with a facial expression filled with as much contempt and disgust I could show.

"Are you really gonna let that girl suffer, Kate, 'cause you can't bring yourself to give me one little kiss? Hell, it's only first base. Lucky for you I ain't greedy."

I remained silent. I had made up my mind earlier that there was no way in hell I would ever kiss that man, but what he said made me reconsider. Shannon was suffering...

And it wouldn't be _that_ bad...

...Would it?

"Okay," I whispered, barely comprehending the words that had just come out of my mouth.

I expected Sawyer to act surprised or even shocked, but he just looked up at me and responded, "Okay."

I approached him even closer and kneeled down beside him. Suddenly a voice inside my head screamed, _What the hell are you doing? Don't let him get inside your head!_

I silenced the voice by responding, _He already is inside my head._

The way he stared at me, with such longing, such passion, made me start to get nervous. My heart was running a marathon and I could feel my hands starting to shake but I did not let him know that. I pretended to sigh, as in "let's get this over with," just to give him the impression that I did not want this.

I leaned in, my eyes darting from his lips to his eyes and back again. When our lips were inches from each other's we both closed our eyes. I was nervous and scared. Then our lips met.

It felt strange to me. It was almost as if my mind would not make the connection that I was kissing Sawyer, thinking my eyes were betraying it. I almost pulled away, but then the nerves and fear slowly melted away and the butterflies in my stomach turned into waves of intense want.

My lips were glued to his and I couldn't pull away. We kissed harder and more passionately and though my eyes were still closed I somehow knew his still were too; we were both taking in the moment, never wanting this powerful feeling to escape from our souls, our lips crashing together –

I pulled away. I suddenly realized that I was making out with Sawyer – _Sawyer –_and I immediately stopped. My heart was still racing and my head was spinning but I knew I couldn't let it go on any farther. I cursed myself for falling for him.

We looked in each other's eyes for a few seconds. Then Sawyer said, "I don't have it."

My stomach dropped fifty feet. Surely he wasn't talking about the inhalers, there was no way, _no way_...

"What?" I asked numbly.

"The medicine," he said quietly. He shook his head slightly. "I don't have it. Never did."

As angry as I felt, in my head it didn't add up right. Why would he make everyone think that he had the inhalers and get tortured for it?

"The book," I said, my voice shaking. Every syllable was articulated with the rage that was coursing through my blood. "They said you found it in their luggage."

"The book washed up on shore," he said tiredly. He was acting like he was _bored_. I wanted to kill him right then and there. "Went in the drink with the rest of the –"

I punched him right in the face. I felt disgusted. Not only was I disgusted with him but I was disgusted with myself. How could I have been so _stupid_?

I stormed away and left him tied to the tree. Why would he lie? Did he honestly want everyone to hate him? What the hell was he thinking?

...What the hell was I thinking?


End file.
